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Appointment tomorrow

February 17, 2010

It is Ash Wednesday! I love Lent and the structure and focus it provides, but I don’t feel quite ready for it this year. I think I want one more week of feasting… Hopefully I will feel more Lent-ified after I go to mass tonight. I am fasting today and praying for Sew’s surgery and for my prayer buddy … and the rest of you too.

To whoever is praying for me: thank you! I covet your prayers!

My first appointment with Dr. Stegman is tomorrow! This is somewhat unbelievable to me because when I scheduled it four months ago, it felt like this day would never arrive. It’s funny/depressing, because I made the appointment as a back-up plan. I had hoped I would be pregnant or on some DC-based treatment plan before then. But I’ve got *nothing* going on now, except acupuncture.

I’m a little mad at myself/the world, because I do not have my medical records from my previous doctor.  I should have asked for them ages ago, but I was waiting to get the last batch of bloodwork in, and the Dr. Stegman appointment seemed soooo far away.  So I finally requested it about a week and a half ago, hoping I would get the records and at least be able to deliver them in person. The folks at my doctor’s office said I should get them in less than a week. But alas, I have not seen any sign of the records yet.

I do have a large document I compiled with the numbers for the results of all of my bloodwork/saliva tests, so at least there is that. sigh. I hope this does not set me back any more.

I am supposed to be at a conference all day tomorrow for work. oops. The plan now is to head to the conference (in Virginia) early in the morning, hopefully with a wireless laptop from my office. Then we’ll head to Pa. around 11:30 (maybe earlier?), and I will file a story for work from the car on the way to the appointment — while my husband drives. My appointment is at 2 pm.

We were supposed to usher for opening night of a play tomorrow night, but I canceled because I knew it would just make me anxious the whole time about getting back — especially if things start running late, which I imagine they will. The bonus is that I will get to watch men’s figure skating at home. I love the Olympics. (I just hope it’s not a depressed version of myself on the couch…)

Right now I am just imagining tomorrow as a sort-of fun little road trip with my husband. ha! But in actuality, I have a lot riding on this appointment. I am not getting anywhere with any other doctors. I have no diagnosis and no treatment plan (other than to stick pins in my forehead and hope for a miracle). I have no other doctor ideas pending. What was once a back-up plan is now my only plan.

I left my last two doctors’ appointments (with two different doctors in DC and Virginia) angry and depressed…and realizing too late all the questions I wish I had asked.

I don’t know what to expect tomorrow, and I don’t even know what I ought to ask.  I feel unprepared.

I don’t want to be angry and depressed tomorrow as we drive home. I want to feel hopeful — that in itself would be a miracle. Hope — seeming so irrational — is something I have studiously avoided throughout this process.

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11 comments

  1. I hope you have a great appointment today, we all need a little light at the end of the infertility tunnel.


  2. I hope that you are able to feel more prepared and centered before your appointment tomorrow!


  3. I have all the same feelings about my appointment with him in March!! I think you are justified in all of them.

    No matter what happens, I think it will be great to have a new perspective on your situation. Even if you don’t leave the appointment with any new revelations, it will be good to work with him and have his input on your history and your future tests.

    Good luck!


  4. Praying your appt goes well…that it is organized and gets you and your dh on your way to finding a solution to your IF!!!


  5. I hope your appt. goes well. I hope your day isn’t too crazy.


  6. I just know your appointment will go well. 🙂

    Please let the front desk know that you want to say hi to me (Erin) tomorrow when you get in. I would love to meet you.


  7. Best of luck!


  8. Thinking of you today… can’t wait to hear how the appointment goes!


  9. Be assured you will walk away with a plan….Was today your appointment or is it tomorrow? Dying for an update! 🙂


  10. I hope that your appointment went well!


  11. I hope it went well…update please? 🙂



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