h1

A mystery. A miracle?

March 22, 2010

I am almost too embarrassed to write this post.  And yet, I must. I’m not sure what to say, so I’ll just share the Very Interesting Morning I had on St. Joseph’s Day…

You may recall my cycle was dragging out. I was actually annoyed about this, for once, because a) I did not want to have to reschedule my surgery (currently set for April 20th, but it’s supposed to be on days 4-12-ish of another cycle, and that was not looking likely) b) In the more immediate future, I was annoyed about Saturday bloodwork, which would have been exceedingly inconvenient because I was supposed to be in catechesis training. But then Wed. and Thursday passed and Day One never arrived…

I took my temperature every morning, waiting for it to drop. It didn’t. I was also a bit mystified because I felt emotionally better than I have in ages. Pretty happy and energetic. I usually get a hormone crash a day or two before my period. But I didn’t feel that crashing feeling. On Thursday I was still peppy, and it didn’t feel like my period was enroute any time soon. On Friday my temperature was still high. What was going on? I was mostly just concerned about my cycle weirdness and  surgery — when I wrote that last post, I meant it. I really did not think I could possibly  be pregnant. But by Thursday night that little hopeful voice — TINY though it is — kept saying, “hey, what if you’re pregnant?” To which the rational voice would reply, “Don’t be silly. Why, after two years, various medication regimes, acupuncture, a few doctors and now a new — as yet untreated — diagnosis of endometriosis, would my body choose to get pregnant NOW, in a month when I did Absolutely Nothing Extraordinary?”

So, lying in bed on Friday morning I had the following conversation with myself, after taking my temperature.

Rational Me: Still high temps. It’s peak plus 16. That’s weird.
Hopeful me: You’ve never had a post-peak cycle that long, even with prometrium or acupuncture. What do you think?
Rational me: Maybe I was wrong about peak.
Hopeful me: 16 days of high temperatures technically means you are pregnant.
Rational me: But you don’t know when you’re temperature actually went up. Remember? It was weird. It seemed to go down much lower than normal, then you started using three different thermometers to try to figure it out. You scrawled the temperatures on a scrap of paper on your dresser, but you never actually charted them. Your temperature might have gone up a couple days after peak.  YOU DON’T KNOW.
Hopeful me: Well, I was just hoping.
Rational me: You mean, just being ridiculous. If I take a pregnancy test, would that help?
Hopeful me: Will you laugh at me and make fun of me if it is negative? Because it very well could be. And I don’t want you to be ashamed of me for hoping.
Rational me: Those tests are so smug. They seem to say HOW COULD YOU BE SO FOOLISH? But I am sooo convinced it will be negative that I think I can take it.

I gave in. I took the test, because I thought it was the only way to stop these voices in my head.

So, I rooted through the closet, found a test and stumbled to the bathroom.

And then I sat there feeling dejected, waiting for the one solitary line to show up so I could stop having what I thought were delusional thoughts.

And then, the most amazing thing happened.

TWO LINES. For the first time in my life, it was positive!!

Yeah, I am as shocked as you are. What, what?  We didn’t think we had a chance this month. It was basically just a waiting month — I had put off all thoughts of pregnancy until after surgery.

My husband asked me if the test was faulty and did not believe it. We literally cannot say the word “pregnant.” We just called it “the mystery.”

I took another test Saturday morning. Same result.
I called and emailed Dr. S’s office on Friday. They had me go in for bloodwork to check my HSG and progesterone. I had been doing the hormone panel last month, so I asked how my levels looked. My P+12 progesterone was 20, which they said was “decent.” Dr. S told me to start taking prometrium every night, at least until we get the new bloodwork back. I remembered I had some promentrium in my desk from an old prescription and took some right away, which was STUPID, because it was *before* I had the new bloodwork done. What can I say? I was nervous.

He had hoped to call me over the weekend, but I did not hear from him. I assume the lab did not get the information to him fast enough. I hope to get a call soon.

Friday I felt like I was in a cloud.  Saturday I started to believe it might be happening. But on Saturday night I had this flash of terror: “this is not going to work out. ..and you have no way to repeat this positive again. It was your one fluke-y miracle” Today, Sunday, I just feel like … I don’t know … like maybe it was all a dream…?

PRAYER BUDDY, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? DO YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF DIRECT LINE? Amazing. Please keep up the prayers!

I am obviously thrilled at the prospect this might be happening. And I am afraid I will get a call that will say, “I don’t know. You got a bad box of home pregnancy tests or something.” I am petrified about everything that could go wrong … everything that could be going wrong right now. And I feel guilty that I got this freaky positive test, when so many of you have been waiting so long…

mystery. A miracle?

I am almost too embarrassed to write this post. I’m not sure what to say, so I’ll just share the Very Interesting Morning I had on St. Joseph’s Day.

You may recall my cycle was dragging out. I was actually annoyed about this, for once, because a) I did not want to have to reschedule my surgery with Dr. S (currently set for April 20th, but that relies on me getting through another cycle before then) b) In the more immediate future, I was concerned about Saturday bloodwork, which would have been exceedinlgy inconvenient because I was supposed to be in catechesis training. But then Wed. and Thursday passed and Day One never arrived…

I took my temperature every morning, waiting for it to drop. It didn’t. I was also a bit mystified because I felt emotionally better than I have in ages. Pretty happy and energetic. I usually get a hormone crash a day or two before my period. But I didn’t feel that crashing feeling. On Thursday I was still peppy, and it didn’t feel like my period was enroute any time soon. On Friday my temperature was still high. What was going on? I was mostly just concerned about whether I could get another surgery date in the near future, but that little hopeful voice — TINY though it is — kept saying, “hey, what if you’re pregnant?” To which the rational voice would reply, “Don’t be silly. Why, after two years, various medication regimes, acupuncture, a few doctors and now a new — as yet untreated — diagnosis of endometriosis, would my body choose to get pregnant NOW, in a month when I did Absolutely Nothing Special?”

So, lying in bed on Friday morning I had the following conversation with myself, after taking my temperature.

Rational Me: It’s peak plus 16. That’s weird.
Hopeful me: You’ve never had a post-peak cycle that long, even with prometrium or acupuncture. What do you think?
Rational me: Maybe I was wrong about peak.
Hopeful me: 16 days of high temperatures technically means you are pregnant.
Rational me: But you don’t know when you’re temperature actually went up. Remember? It was weird. It seemed to go down much lower than normal, then you started using three different thermometers to try to figure it out. You scrawled the temperatures on a scrap of paper on your dresser, but you never actually charted them. Your temperature might have gone up a couple days after peak. That’s not that strange.
Hopeful me: Well, I was just hoping.
Rational me: I can’t take the ups and downs right now. If I take a pregnancy test, would that help?
Hopeful me: Will you laugh at me and make fun of me if it is negative? Because it very well could be. And I don’t want you to be ashamed of me for hoping.
Rational me: Those tests are so smug. They seem to say HOW COULD YOU BE SO FOOLISH? But I am sooo convinced it will be negative that I think I can take it.

I gave in. I took the test, because I thought it was the only way to stop these voices in my head.

So, I rooted through the closet, found a test and stumbled to the bathroom.

And then I sat there feeling dejected, waiting for the one solitary line to show up, so I could move on with my life, as per usual.

And then, the most amazing thing happened. Two lines.

It was positive!!

It’s absolutely shocking. We didn’t think we had a chance this month. It was basically just a waiting month, I thought. I had put off all thoughts of pregnancy until after surgery. My husband asked me if the tests actually worked and really does not believe it. We literally cannot say the word “pregnant.” We just called it “the mystery.”

I called and emailed Dr. S’s office. They had me go in for bloodwork to check my HSG and progesterone. I had been doing the hormone panel last month, so I asked how my levels looked. My P+12 progesterone was 20, which they said was “decent.” Dr. S told me to start taking prometrium every night, at least until we get the new bloodwork back. I remembered I had some promentrium in my desk from an old prescription and took some right away, which was STUPID, because it was *before* I had the new bloodwork done. What can I say? I was nervous. He had hoped to call me over the weekend, but I did not hear from him. I assume the lab messed up and just faxed the results, instead of also calling him. I don’t know. I hope to get a call soon.

Friday I felt like I was in a cloud.  I took another test Saturday morning. Still positive. On Saturday night I had this flash of terror: “this is not going to work out. and you have no way to repeat it again.” Today, Sunday, I just feel like … I don know … like Friday was all a dream. Was it? I bought another box of HPTs to find out.

Advertisements

15 comments

  1. Oh. my. goodness. Congratulations, Mama!!


  2. Oh my goodness! Congrats! Can’t wait to hear more!


  3. Congrats! I hope the bw results will calm your fears!


  4. wow, amazing! praying for you………….let us know as soon as you hear from DR!


  5. OHMYGOSH!!! What great news! Keep us posted as you get more results! 🙂


  6. Yay!! I am thrilled for you!!! Big prayers heading your way!! How exciting!!


  7. OMGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so excited for you!!!!!! Dr. S must have the magic touch!!!!!!! Woo-hOOO!!!!!!!!!!


  8. I was afraid I’d dreamed this when I woke up (I am very sleep deprived, so you never know!), so I just had to check back. I am still stunned and overjoyed for you!


  9. Oh my goodness! I’m so excited! Congratulations!!!! Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.


  10. Sew texted me the good news!! I’m so excited! Go Stubby Fingers and his Magic Touch, lmbo!!

    Congrats, hon, and at the risk of sounding cliche, try not to worry – enjoy every single moment (do it for the rest of us!)
    You have a fantastic Dr who will make sure things go smoothly now 😉


  11. Oh wow! This is truly amazing! Can’t wait to hear all of the test results!


  12. Congrats! THis is so exciting.


  13. What a wonderful contrast to this day when so many are so down in the dumps!
    Congrats!!!


  14. Congratulations!!! On the feast of St. Joseph no less!!!


  15. I got goosebumps reading about your two lines! Many many prayers!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: